Tough Day

I don't know why, all the sudden I'm having a really tough day. I keep crying, I keep missing my Gabriel and desperately wish he was here. I keep thinking about things like: I should be a mom of 2 under 2, I should be nursing, I should be changing 2 sets of diapers instead of one... 

I am angry. I don't want to be the mommy to an angel. I don't want this to be part of my life story.  I want to wake up and this was all a horrible horrible nightmare. My son in my arms (or still inhabiting my body) and everything normal again.  Why does this have to be part of my life? Why me? Why my Gabriel? 

Why the wonderful people I've met through this journey? Why did their babies have to leave too?

I think I've officially hit the "angry" part of greiving. I don't know if I'm crying because I'm sad, or because I'm mad. I've waited for this part of the process, it hasn't hit till now.

Thanks for the vent. I needed to get that out.