Thursday, October 24, 2013

9 months old!

The boys turned 9 months old yesterday. Holy moly time is flying by way to fast. I'm not sure what happened, perhaps I blinked? 

I continue to breastfeed the boys, although not as exclusively as I did in the past. We supplement formula for nap times and bedtimes. They eat solid foods 3 times a day and usually nurse before or after, even if its just a little bit.  That leaves me to nurse 3 - 4 times a day and overnights.  I'm hoping to wean them off and onto bottles/formula exclusively now. I have loved breastfeeding them and the challenge it entails.  My body is feeling the wrath of breastfeeding twins and my health has to be just as important at some point. Plus it'd be nice to put a little of my weight back on again. 

Cloth diapering is still going great! In fact I invested a small amount of money in 10 new Alva diapers this month.  We've really nailed a system down now and are confident with the process. I can't believe the money we've saved already by doing cloth diapers. If you figure the average family spends upwards of $1,000 in the first year, that means twins would be upwards of $2,000 we've saved.

They say a lot of mamamamama and mostly dadadadada. But have no idea what they are saying really. Sawyer is more the talker and will babble all day long. 

They are starting to pull and tug on each other and love to watch the other play. Logan especially loves to steal Sawyer's Nuki even though he really has no interest in having one himself.   I can't wait for they day they truly interact with each other. 

It's definitely interesting to watch their personalities because they are SO different. There's very little similarities in their personalities at all.  Sawyer is the happy, giggly, smiley one. He loves eating and has no preferences to solid foods. Logan is very serious, you usually have to force a smile out of him and is pretty quiet most of the time. He isn't as much of a fan of solid foods, is much more picky about what he will actually eat, and usually only wants a few bites.

Evelyn is still the best big sister ever. She loves to play and rough house with them.  She likes to bring them toys and snacks (puffs) and tries to help stop them from crying.  I think she is antsy for the day she can actually PLAY with them, she'll love having little tikes to harass I think. 

Here's some photos and captions to see how the boys are doing!

Both boys are so close to crawling. I suspect any day now, Logan actually propels himself backwards today.
But most off all, they just want to stand. Not alone, you have to be holding them. But they are the happiest
when they are standing with you.

Logan showing off his two little bottom teeth he popped through this week!  

They've both figured out how to drink from cups now.  They won't drink out of a normal sippy though, only straws.

Just being cute.
Swing will have to go soon.  They no longer want to lay in it, and really they are too big, but they still love it!
Playing playing playing!
They love their crunchies and puffs. They serve no nutritional value but hey, they work great as a distraction!
Plus they've gotten really good with picking up small objects and getting food into their mouths!

Just for fun - 9 month photo outtakes

Here are the outtakes from today's attempted photo shoot. Glad my mom was there to lend a hand haha!

This pretty much summarizes my days as well as any photo shoots I try to do... yup.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Pregnancy and infant loss awareness day

Another year, another pregnancy and infant loss awareness day is upon us. Many people are reflecting on babies they've lost, or babies lost by their friends or family members.  This year I feel like there's so many more people I know or have heard of that are remembering tiny little beings gone to soon. 

The effect of losing someone so small is dramatic for those touched by the loss. The hopes and dreams these parents had for this baby - this person - are suddenly extinguished. The hopes and dreams these parents had for their lives and families are squashed by the hand of death, so easily smothered and many times as quick as a blink of an eye. 

Tonight, we have been joined by some of our family members for the Remember our Babies walk in a nearby town. Many families gathered to remember their babies during the candle lighting ceremony, it makes your heart ache to think of all these people with such hurt and pain in their lives. 

The spent some time reading the names of the babies each family is missing today. Many heartbreaking stories were shared. I of course shared Gabriel's story.

The walk itself was beautiful. Short, bordered by luminaries, with a stunning view of the town and river. 

The whole event was emotional, it was hard to listen to all the broken hearts telling stories of their little ones they can never hold in their arms. 

Gabriel is thought of by many friends and family members. He is never ever forgotten and always remains a part of our lives.  It's hard to believe that in a few short months we'll "celebrate" his 2nd birthday... 2 years already.

*note* I will be adding more to this tomorrow when I get everything loaded from my memory card, but I wanted this post out today. 

Thursday, October 10, 2013


I am a Pinterest fan. I have many boards and hundreds of pins. I have one board designated to pregnancy and infant loss (of course I do!). On that board are various quotes, links to beautiful jewelry designed to remember babies lost, links to various websites and organizations that helped me through, and of course there's one link that's close to my heart - it's a photo of my Gabriel Memorial Tattoo that is directly linked to my blog, more specifically the post I made immediately after getting that tattoo. 

I have the app loaded on my smartphone and get periodic notifications throughout the day. It seems like every day I get at least one notification that someone has repinned that specific pin.  

I have mixed feelings about this. My initial reaction is always flattery, someone likes the tattoo that I spent months designing while Gabriel was still tucked safely inside. The tattoo that my artist helped put together and make an actual piece of art to be put permantely on my body - forever. Someone out there has hopefully clicked beyond the "pin" button and read into my blog. Learning of the journey we took nearly 2 short years ago. 

My following thoughts are always the same: I hope the person who has pinned that link isn't experiencing that same heartache, the same feeling of pain and loss that we feel going along the journey. My heart aches for the pain that these "repinners" are feeling as they search for inspiration for their very own memorial tattoo. 

My final thought, that doesn't always come to mind: there's one more person who has read Gabriel's name, possibly out loud or maybe to themselves. That's another person who knows Gabriel existed and is helping keep his memory alive - even if they've never met him, or us. 

My hope is this: if they are searching, possibly feeling lost and alone, I hope they are reading past the link into the world I live in. I hope they find hope and comfort in reading the words I've put out there for the public in hopes that someone somewhere will get whatever it is they are looking for. Help, hope, faith, healing, or whatever it is that their heart desires. 

There is hope, comfort and healing in knowing you are not alone. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Pregnancy and infant loss awareness month

It's October. That means pregnancy and infant loss awareness month is once again upon us. I'm hoping to attend a walk the evening of October 15th which marks pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I will register to have Gabriel's name read for that event. If you want to go with me let me know and I'll get the information to you. 

I don't know how, but I had briefly forgotten and was reminded by Derrick - slightly unusual. 

This month we will remember, honor, and cherish the son we held for only a brief moment in time, but will hold forever in our hearts.