My First Christmas in Heaven I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars reflecting on the snow. The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here. I have no... words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing. I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart, But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart. So be happy for me dear ones, You know I hold you dear. And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above. I sent you each a memory of my undying love. After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold. It was always most important in the stories Jesus told. Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do, For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you. So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear, Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year!
It’s not the memories, the pictures, or the constant reminders that get me. But instead, it’s the emptiness that is felt deep down in your heart and soul, which you force into your subconscious every morning. So that you can pretend it was just a horrible dream and you can try and live a normal life. For the most part it works, but it’s those little things that bring that emptiness back out so that it can burn another fresh hole into your heart. It’s the moments like when a single snowflake lands on your arm and stays there for longer than it should. Or when you’re standing outside in the winter cold and you feel a warm breeze go across your face. Or when you’re all alone in quite room and you hear the sound of a newborn baby crying even though you know there is no baby that could be crying. That’s when you see the over turned dirt freshly covered with snow, and the pain makes a reappearance along with the tears that you try to hide, and then you remember that it wasn’t just a dream. It was real. So once again, your arms feel bare because you know there is supposed to be a precious little baby in them. And the house never feels quiet full because there is one person missing. So as the sob’s start to slow, and your eyes start to dry, you know it’s not going to change. You’re always going to feel that emptiness. As the days pass, it’s not going to get easier and you’re never going to move past it. But you know you will learn how to handle it and how to live with it. Because that is what your life has become, a puzzle. A puzzle where the very center piece is missing, just how a small piece of your heart is missing too…
"I want to give her the world, I want to hold her hand. I want to be her mom for as long as I can. I want to live every moment until that day comes. I want to show her what it means to be loved."
- Mark Shultz "What it means to be loved"
"The grieving process is much like an amusement park ride, except not as fun. It has its ups, it has its downs, but you can't get off till the ride stops." - Private Practice
“When a baby is born it’s the mothers’ instinct to protect their baby. When a baby dies it’s the mothers’ instinct to protect their memory”
We are forever changed. We never get over it. We never move on. We must learn how to incorporate our loss into our new lives. We must learn how to live our new lives happily. - Unknown
An Unfinished Life…
I’m sitting here mystified and numbed with pain
To lose someone so close, yet so far away.
Some say you can’t lose something you never had
If that’s true than how can I feel this sad?
I felt more close to you, my child
More than anyone else around me
Because I felt you so deep within me.
So small no eye could see
Yet so full of life was felt already.
Disbelief and uncertainty consume my brain
As the tears fall like rain,
Heart pounding hard, feels like thunder
The sorrow and anguish down under just can’t be explained.
Was I being punished for a sin I committed?
Was I to learn something from this and just didn’t get it?
Please God answer me… what did I do to deserve this?
Does he know how much I love him?
Cuz it’s your job now to tell him!
I already miss him… I’d do anything to kiss him…
To hold him and embrace the mere presence of him.
I can only hope for one of these days
He comes back to me, this time to stay.
To find it deep within his heart
To give me the chance for a brand new start!
"Does it give you any comfort to know that your son only knew love? He only knew your warmth, your heartbeat, your voice. He only knew the sound of your family and husband's voice through the womb. He never knew war, hurt, heartache, and pain. Sure he heard your cries, your pain, but this was out of love. He never experienced all the hurtful things in the world today. Does it help at all to know that he only new your love and how much he was wanted?" - Joann O'leary