Gabriel's Birth Plan

I believe it will be helpful for someone with a similar diagnosis, who is still going through their pregnancy, to have access to our birth plan.  Perhaps they are thinking about the birth they would like, perhaps they are writing a birth plan themselves. Either way, I hope seeing mine will help to think about things you may not already have thought about.

A special thank you to our doula - Marnie - who is absolutely amazing. She set up and took me to an apointment where we were able to meet with a professional who deals with these types of birth plans. Then she took the information from that meeting and wrote our birth plan with everything we would want. 

Our birth plan was VERY detailed and long. We only had one chance at this and wanted to make sure our wishes were very well known. We didn't want to miss a thing or forget anything.  So we put absolutely every thought and wish we had into our birth plan for everyone working with us to know.

This birth plan was edited for privacy, but everything else stayed the same - including the parts where it is referenced "she" instead of "he"  because of our surprise.

All of our Doctors and Nurses had read and remembered our birth plan prior to entering our room or having any contact with us.  It was wonderful to not have to explain things, remember things or try to tell them things during our very precious and little time.

Birth Plan for Samantha and Derrick
Attended by Dr landers and Buchbinder

No fertility issues
One prior 8 week loss, 1 term pregnancy (Evelyn 7/10)
Primary sources of emotional support are doula, mother and step mother
Had Harrington rods inserted for scoliosis as a teen - Epidural not possible.
Sam hates needles and would prefer not to see them.

History of this Pregnancy
Sam has had an unremarkable pregnancy - no personal complications
No bed rest, dilation, HBP, etc.
Learned of baby's health issues at 20 weeks gestation during ultrasound
Condition is Bilateral Renal Agenesis - no kidneys resulting in lung and stomach malformation, no amniotic fluid.
We suspect baby may not survive birth, but have been told he could live up to 2 hours.
Baby is frank breech.
We know he could have facial markings, clubbing, facial abnormalities and a small chest as a result of his condition.
We have named her Gabrielle Rae, unless she comes out male, in which case we will name him Gabriel Ray.
We have a doula, Marnie, who was present at our daughter's birth, and has been working with us through this entire pregnancy.

Labor Desires
We would prefer to have a private, non-medicalized labor.
Only absolutely necessary medical staff is welcome to be present during the labor and birth - no students, interns, unnecessary checks, housekeeping, meal delivery etc. We will ask if we need something.
Family are welcome to visit during early labor, but will be asked to leave during active labor.
Only Marnie and Derrick are to be with Sam to cope.
We do not consent to any EFM/dopplar. We do not care to know when or if our baby passes away during labor. EFM is not necessary during this birth because we know she will not survive.
Marnie will communicate with family to give updates. Some may be present in the waiting areas for much of the day. Please have compassion for them during this difficult time.
It is not necessary to have a nurse in the room for comfort measures. Marnie and Derrick know what is desired for comfort, have been through birth with Sam before, and want to maintain a private atmosphere. Please respect this is a difficult day for us, and quite a private experience.
Sam is open to early pain relief using narcotics, but finds it VERY important to be lucid and alert at the time of birth. If the baby lives for only a few moments, she wants more than nothing else to remember every second. Please use meds with caution, if at all, and only with explicit consent and discussion with her doula and husband.
Sam has great fear about the induction/pitocin, pain of birth and breech delivery complications.
Please have compassion and patience as we work to cope through the process.
Our hospital staf can be most helpful by honoring our baby and her limited time with us.
We desire a calm, peaceful, non-medicalized labor and birth process.

Birth Desires
No mirror
Immediate placement on Sam
When the cord stops pulsing, offer to Derrick to let him cut it. He may refuse, but would like to be offered the option. Once Sam gives the OK, then you may cut the cord.
Do not worry about wiping the baby down - once she is born, allow us to have quiet time.
We would like to videotape and photograph our baby's birth and m oments we have with her before passing, if any...
Medical staff is asked to leave the room once the placenta is delivered and is medically possible.
Marnie and Derrick will stay with Sam. Marnie will be escorting family in to see the baby in a specified order.

After the Birth
Marnie will immediately get Evelyn at the door to see her sister.
We may want to bathe the baby, in our room, and dress her. Please provide us the supplies to do this for her.
Sam may want to nurse the baby, if she lives for some time.
Marnie will then retrieve family members in to see the baby, visit and leave.
We will have NILMDTS present to photograph the baby, but only after the birth. The photographer's phone numbers are ###-###-#### and ###-###-####
Sheila will baptize the baby once we ask for it to be done.
Do not resuscitate or provide extraordinary measures for Gabrielle. The first moments of her life will probably be the only moments of her life. Allow us silence, space, tears and time.

Once Gabrielle has died
It is ok for staff to cry.
Please continue to bring us warm blankets to keep her skin warm once she passes away.
We want to make clay and play-doh hand and foot prints.
We want 10 sets of inked hand and foot prints.
We want to keep her hospital bands.
We would like her birth and death certificates.
We would like to keep her hat.
We would like to keep her crib card.
We would like a lock of hair. We have brought a box to put it in.
Allow us to send baby away, but respect our wishes if we want her back to see her, hold her and spsend more time with her. Please re-warm her in heated blankets before returning her to us.
We have an outfit we will be dressing her in as well as a blanket we will send with her. Please keep her in those until we leave the hospital.
We have arranged for her burial with Bradshaw of Stillwater ###-###-####
She will be buried at Guardian Angels Cemetary.


  1. Oh mama, I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family, past, present, and future.

  2. First of all I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss. She is beautiful. I am 31 weeks pregnant with our first child and at 20 weeks our child was too diagnosed with Bilateral Renal Agenesis and it has been a rollercoaster of hard times and emotions. I wanted to thank you for taking the time to share your memories. I have visited your site a handful of times and it has helped guide me and give me answers at times where I have had no where to turn. I wish I could give you a hug in person because you have no idea how much you have helped me. The birthing plan, which I am currently working on is difficult, and your birthing plan has helped guide me in the right direction and is very similar to what I want. So thank you, I could say it a thousand times but you guys have really touched me and helped me through some hard time. Thank you.


  3. God bless you and your family.