Its hard to believe that tomorrow we start the induction process, starting with the gel. This has come up really fast for us. Where did the last 2 weeks go? In fact, where did the last few months go?
Today we went to the funeral home to prepare the arrangements. Bradshaw Funeral Home does free preparations for infants and children which is why we chose to go with them. They usually do cremation, but we didn't feel this was the right choice for our little angel. So we purchased a 19 inch casket and prepared for burial. They said it was pretty safe to plan for a Monday at 2pm burial at Guardian Angels cemetary. If something changes (like she isn't born till Thursday) then we will change it and let everyone know. We will be bringing the funeral home an outfit, bear (specially made by grandma T at Build A Bear), and a blanket to wrap her in (specially made by Grandma Lois) to bury with her. But anything else they would need from us can be done by phone.
After the appointment at the funeral home (which was conveniently right next door to our clinic) we went to our last OB visit and Evelyn's 18 month wellness check. The OB visit was breif, mostly just disgussed our plans and answered any questions we had. Evelyn's appointment went well too. She's healthy as a horse and is above average in some areas! Such a big girl at 18 months - 27.7lbs - 32 inches tall! She's right around the 80th percentile in all areas.
We've recieved many comments and messages on Facebook as well as some very nice phone calls and text messages from people showing their love and support. Its amazing all the prayers and love we've recieved from everyone.
Tomorrow we go to get the first round of gel put in around noon. Dr Landers said that I may feel very crampy afterwards (but should only be temporary) or I may not feel anything at all. After the gel is put in, we are going to the NILMDTS photographer's house to get maternity photos done in her studio. Hoping Evelyn cooperates for these as its sort of our only chance. Then at 6pm we go in for another round of gel.
My best friend Emily is coming up to be with us tomorrow night. She's going to help keep me company and keep us preoccupied and upbeat (as much as possible I suppose). She will be staying the night with us incase anything happens and will be going with us to the hospital while my mom sits and waits for Evelyn to wake up. She is going to keep us company while we are waiting for the Pitocin to kick in, she is also going to be there for support and anything else we need while we are waiting for labor to start and our doula to arrive around 9. She's been so supportive and helpful through this whole process, I guess there's a reason we've been best friends for 10 years.
Today we feel strong. We are confident that we are doing the right thing and that its the right time. In a weird way it almost feels like a relief to be so close to seeing our little angel. Its still so very hard, its incredibly frightening, and unbelievably emotional, but we are confident in the decisions we've made up to this point and including this one now.
We are taking it moment by moment, one step at a time. So far that seems to be the best way we know how.
Derrick's fear is the labor and delivery. He's afraid of having me go through a labor and delivery and to have the end result so terrible. Plus the dangers of deliverying a breech baby and the possibilty of her getting stuck. My fear is the emotional road we will be taking after she is here. Labor and delivery isn't so scary to me right now. But I will always have the love and support we've been shown and will continue to be shown to fall back on and keep me strong.