Gabriel would be 2 weeks old today. We are still coping day by day, but I'm really starting to get nervous about him returning to work. He's been my main support, my rock and keeping me busy the last few weeks... what happens when he goes back to work and isn't here all day with me anymore? Luckily I have friends who are planning to stop by during the days next week so I won't be home alone with Evelyn all day.
We talk about Gabriel at various points throughout the day. Sometimes the smallest thing on TV or in a store will start a conversation about him. He's on our minds all the time. Every night I say good night to him before I go to bed. I miss him so much and wish he were here with us all the time.
Tattooing our heartache away...
Last night, Derrick and I went down to our tattooist at Persona Studios to get our memorial tattoos. We'd designed them for the last few weeks and new what we wanted to get. I had hopes that the pain of getting the tattoo would relieve the pain in my heart for just a short time.
Derrick went first and his turned out beautiful. He did it to match the one he got for Evelyn about a year ago.
Mine has been being designed by me ever since we got the diagnosis. I knew what I wanted to include but just needed an artist to put all the elements together. I had a vision and he put it to life. And, what an amazing job he did too! It looks like his footprint was stamped right on my shoulder!
He kept the footprint the actual size, so my tattoo ended up being a bit bigger than I had originally planned, but I'm so glad he wanted to do it that way. When Derrick drew his out he added the ribbons on either side, so when we were doing mine, we took the ribbon Derrick drew and enlarged it to fit my tattoo. So Derrick actually drew my ribbon :)
I'm so in love with my new tattoo, it is the biggest one I have gotten so far, and also the most painful one I have gotten. But it was all worth it so that my angel will walk with me forever. (And by the way, it worked. For that hour and a half, I was so focused on the pain of the tattoo, that my heart wasn't hurting. But after I saw it in the mirror the heartache was different, I can't explain it, it was just different.