When Gabriel was born, someone from Derrick's work gave him a giftcard to Applebees telling him to take me out some night for dinner. A thoughtful way of ensuring I got out of the house and was much appreciated that we wouldn't have to worry about paying for dinner. So tonight, we went out. Evelyn, Derrick and I settled into our booth and started looking over the dinner menu. Soon out of the corner of my eye, I spot her. A woman appearing to be towards the end of her pregnancy sitting ahead of me in perfect view...
I instantly started thinking, Gabriel would have been 1 month old tomorrow,
and we just passed 4 weeeks since we said good-bye - its been a rough emotional
week to say the least.
I couldn't help but watch her lovingly stroke her giant pregnant belly,
excitement and anticipation written all over her face. It took all my effort not
to start bawling and walk out of the restaurant. I kept fairly composed, eyes
welling up with tears as I watched her enjoying her pregnancy, her baby... I
couldn't stop looking.
Derrick noticed I was struggling to keep my emotions controlled, he asked if
I was ok and I told him what I was seeing, what I was thinking and what I was
feeling. He offered to switch sides, and oddly enough I said no. While watching
this woman was breaking my heart, at the same time I was enjoying thinking of
our Gabriel and his life with us, and I was so happy knowing she would soon be
enjoying a sweet bundle of joy - even though by my tears and face you wouldn't
know she was also bringing me a sense of happiness...
I didn't eat much of my dinner, even after she left. I was thinking about my
sweet Gabriel the whole time and so my mind was pretty pre-occupied...
This is the first time I've had an emotional, public, display of grief and
sadness for Gabriel... And not one that I prepared myself for.