Being home!

It's sort of odd being home and adjusting to this new life! I'm both thrilled and sad at the same time. I love having them here, holding, feeding, and being with them. But, I do miss having them inside, feeling them kick and play, even with how uncomfortable I was at the end. It's tough knowing I'll probably not be pregnant again and will never experience twins again. This chapter is over and a new one has started.

Our first night home was rough. I knew we were in for it when all 3 kids pooped at the same time, Derrick and I just looked at each other and laughed - what else could we do haha!

Things were going smooth until Sawyer decided to be up crying from 12am-5am. We couldn't figure out what was wrong. We were both trying everything, he kept wanting to nurse, he was so upset. Finally we changed his diaper at 5 and he fell right asleep. I think I have decided his circumcision was bothering him... Poor little guy!

Then on Sunday things were good, because of Sawyer's episode their feedings got off and all the sudden they were on opposite hours. Up till that point I was feeding every two hours, when one would wake up (or I'd wake one up, I'd feed him and do the next one (usually spending 10 minutes just trying to wake him). Throughout the day it was ok.

A home health nurse came out to the house. They put this order in when we discharged from the hospital because the boys were a bit jaundice. their levels have remained low enough to avoid treatment so far, but they need to be checked daily till they stop rising. First the nurse checked on me: blood pressure temperature, and scar. Everything seems to be just great! Next she checked the boys. Everything was great and they were both up 3oz from their discharge weights!! This was great news. She did a heel prick and called later to tell us that Sawyer's Bili level was up to 12.4 and Logan's was up to 12.0 - both perfectly ok numbers for a 4 day old. More good news!

Monday we had a doctor appointment. I was SO excited to see Dr. Landers and show her our boys! I knew how excited she would be for us. When Dr Landers asked Evelyn about her baby brothers, Evelyn held up her hand with her fingers high in the air, "2 babies!". Success. I love that she gets it now, all that effort getting her to understand, and she does. Their weights were the same from Sunday but that's ok, can expect them to gain every single day. Everything is looking good. Dr. Landers was both impressed and surprised when she figured out I am strictly breastfeeding the boys. I did explain to her that if necessary I will supplement, but we are doing quite well!

While we were at the clinic I weighed myself. On Monday before they were born I topped out at 175lbs. That's a 40-45 lb weight gain for me. At the clinic I am down to 158lbs, sweet! Only about 20 more lbs to go, no problem!

Dr Landers did ask how I was doing emotionally and if it was bringing up some emotion and feelings about Gabriel. The reality is that I haven't been able to think about it too much, I'm a little busy these days. But the answer is yes. It does bring a lot of thoughts, mostly about what we missed with him: baby snuggled, breastfeeding, baby cries, and other newborn things. We wonder what Gabriel thinks watching us love his little brothers and care for them the same way we so wish we could have with him.

We have had a wonderful supply of food brought to us by family. During a visit from Derrick's sister, I was able to get the boys back on schedule, eating every 2-3 hours and both eating one right after the other - finally a decent nights sleep!

Evelyn is doing SO great! She loves to hold and kiss her brothers. She wants to help by getting us things "honey can you hand mommy that blanket? Honey can you get mommy a diaper for baby Logan?" And all sorts of things. She loves it and is so proud.

Breastfeeding in general is not easy, breastfeeding twins is definitely not easy! I am trying to feed them one right after the other. When one wakes up, I feed him, then wake the other to feed him. I can do both at the same time, but I don't to often. I only do it when they are both screaming for food at the same time. When we do it, I have a hard time keeping them awake. Because my hands are too full, we also get some latching issues when I do it. Yesterday they were way off schedules and eating at very different times. I worked all day on slowly getting them back by making them wait a little longer to eat.

This update has taken some time haha! In between feedings and taking care of Evelyn life is certainly busy! We wouldn't have it any other way :)