Wednesday, August 1, 2012

11 weeks + new support group

Last night I was able to attend a new support group. Unfortunately Derrick couldn't get off work to join me, but I'm sure hoping he will next month.   We had some trouble with our other support group, just personal preference things.  One thing being that there wasn't enough time in the session to do anything more than an introduction, and since it was always different people showing up (I think we were one of the only "regulars") it was always long intros and then out of time.  We never felt like we truly bonded with anybody because they rarely came back.

In this new group, not only are there more members which allows for much more indepth conversation, but there isn't a time limit and it seems like a bunch of them keep coming back.  We did short intros (the abbreviated version of each person's story) and then jumped into conversation topics like: triggers, signs, and anything else anybody needed to talk about. It felt like people wanted to get to know you after building a relationship with you, slowly getting to know more about your story as time goes on instead of trying to tell every bit of your story in one long introduction.

There were people there with 20 years behind them, 16, 8, 9 months, 8 months, and even 3 months. It was nice to have the variety of length in peoples greiving.  To understand that it never goes away, you will always be dealing with the loss in different ways.  It was also nice to get help and advice from people who have been exactly where you are in years gone by.

I was a little nervous about showing up - being pregnant and all. I didn't know how the other loss mom's would react, especially since the group isn't geared towards pregnancy after a loss.  But the others seemed very open to talking about being high risk after a loss and everything that goes with subsequent pregnancies. It was so nice to feel the love and support of everyone there. 

I had the pleasure of finally meeting another loss mom I've been interracting with online since December.  We discovered that we lived in the same area and have been in touch ever since.  It was great to finally meet her, especially since we are travelling the same path.

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant!  I woke up yesterday morning to quite the surprise -

All the sudden there was significant baby belly!  That came nearly out of nowhere! I'm hoping and praying that this is a good sign that BOTH babies are in there growing perfectly.  We don't have our next ultrasound until next Monday, that's when they'll tell us how Baby B is doing.  Its been a really long 3 week wait to find out if we still have 2 healthy babies in there.

I've been thinking a lot about these days when we had Gabriel with us.  How differently I was feeling both physically and emotionally.  I remember feeling those first kicks he gave me and am wondering how I'll feel when these two start.  I remember that I was finally settling into the idea of having another little one and getting excited.  Only to have that hope and dream ripped away from us. 

Derrick and I often talk about what these little buggers will look like when they come out.  My guess is that since Evelyn and Gabriel looked alike, these two will probably resemble them as well.  I'm hoping that won't cause an emotional issue for either of us when they are born. 

Getting excited as we are getting closer and closer to finding out Baby B's status and inching closer and closer to 2nd trimester!  Yay!

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