Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Travesty Fraud and Devastation

I feel like I need to respond to a situation that has occurred. If not to the person who did this, than for myself and those who know me as well as past and future readers.  I feel the need to acknowledge the situation and make it known - If we haven't already been to hell and back, someone has opted to make the trip significantly longer for us.

At some point a woman from southern Tennessee (we'll call her Amy for privacy sake) stole photos from my blog and fabricated her own pregnancy. She could have revealed her miscarraige at any point but instead, she pretended her way through an entire 9 months and on February 3rd, Amy's daughter was born and died 36 minutes later (the same amount of minutes Gabriel survived).  She posted a photo of Gabriel and used it as her Facebook cover photo claiming it to be of her new daughter who passed away from kidney failure. Later she would go on Facebook with her story and receive donations from warm and loving strangers who felt a sense of heartache and desired to help her. They gave selflessly and generously.

At some point, a couple caught on to her scheme when they saw Amy's cover photo in a Google search that led them to my blog.  This wonderful couple collected all the information they could before everyone found out and chaos ensued. How blessed am I that this loving couple had thought to gather all the documents and proof silently before everyone else revealed Amy for who she is. The wife contacted the local authorities with all the proof, she knew who this person was that was doing this. After meeting with their local authorities she contacted me via email.

Her words were loving, sympathetic and heartfelt. A gentle voice to share heartbreaking news.  I read the email multiple times over, grateful she had already taken the steps to alert the proper people before dropping this 10,000lb bomb on me.  Immediate action wasn't necessary. Amy had already been called out on her fraud and the authorities were already alerted to the situation.  I was able to process all the emotions that went through me as each word repeated over and over.  

I feel eternally grateful for the wonderful woman who felt the need to contact me, and also took hours out of her life to protect me.  I'm grateful to her wonderful husband for assisting and supporting her.  I feel hurt that Gabriel was so disrespected in such a fraudulent way.  I feel angry that someone would do this. I'm flattered that she thought my baby was so beautiful she wanted to claim him as her own (I mean lets face it - he was stunning and if he wasnt already mine, I'd want to claim him too). I'm pleased knowing that with my blog posted all over their local Facebook pages, someone somewhere would have seen it that will benefit from it. I'm also pleased that this woman will get what she deserves and all the loving people who so generously gave their money to her will get their justice, whether that's legally or karmatic.  

I'm also utterly disappointed in some people that make up the human race.  I always knew there was risk in posting photos online and publicly.  People steal photos all the time and use them for many reasons. I had thoughts of watermarking all my photos, but a) by the time I thought of it there were way too many to go back to and b) my experience in the photography industry has taught me that watermarking your photos doesn't actually protect you, at least not entirely.   Despite knowing the risk, I felt it was more important that the families who came to my blog with a similar fatal diagnosis would see that these babies do look fairly normal. I remember fearing that Gabriel would look different or deformed.  I posted the photos to ease other parents hearts and minds, and through feedback I know families it has helped. I had however hoped that if images were to be stolen, they would be of my living healthy children. I had hoped that people would have enough respect for the dead that they would leave his alone.  

Amy has made a mockery of all the families that experience infant loss. She's made a mockery of the greiving journey so many of us heartbreakingly walk. She's disrespected every family that has REALLY experienced this heartache.  

I had thoughts of removing my blog or all the photos within it, but I won't. My blog has well over 100,000 views. My blog has helped dozens of families who have since contacted me.  My blog is here for a reason and I can't fathom removing it from future parents who may need it, or that person who hadn't lost a child but now understands. Everyone has taken something with them as they walk away, and that is much more important to me than some unstable woman possibly stealing my images. 

I had faith that people would have enough respect to leave these precious and personal images alone, but alas I hoped wrong again. 

I am an emotional victim in this situation, but the real victims in this story are the loving people who donated generously to her. Another victim is her husband, who seemingly had no idea of her deceit and thought his baby girl had died.

Her side of the story is heartbreaking as well. She says she had miscarried early in her pregnancy but didn't have the courage to tell everyone. She went on with her pregnancy as if nothing was wrong, even had a baby shower. She got so wrapped up in her own web of lies that come her due date, she needed a way out. She seemingly chose Potter's Syndrome at random and through Google found images to use. She claims she never received anything and and the things she did receive were returned to the sender. I have no way of knowing the truth, although I have seen and hold in my hands her posts to Facebook. It sickens me to read her journey and the way she deceived everyone she came in contact with causing them to believe her misleading stories.

At this point the police are aware of the situation, but unless someone comes forward with fraud charges or proof that they sent Amy anything of monitary value, their hands are tied. It's sad that people including her get away with similar acts of fraud and never get charged with any crimes. 

My heartaches, I'm heart broken and have been disrespected in the worst way. I hope nobody ever has to feel the pain I feel because of this woman.

My message to her: Believe me when I tell you that Gabriel's story is not one that you wish were yours. Having precious photos as your only way of remembering what your child looked like is not pleasant. Having to say, good-bye sucks.  This is not a journey you wish to travel or want as part of your life. Burying your child is pure hell and no person should HAVE to endure this kind of pain, and no person should WANT to. The attention a parent receives after their child is ripped from their arms is not the kind of attention you want, it's the kind of attention that is uncomfortable and akward, its filled with pain, tears and gut wrentching apologies. I'm sorry for the loss you've experienced, I have also experienced a miscarriage and remember that pain all to well. I will never make excuses for what you have done, but I can have a certain amount of understanding for mental instability. I hope you find the help that you so clearly need to seek. I'll be praying for you.

The photo is found here: http://mnmom4life.blogspot.com/p/potters-syndrome-bilateral-renal.html



14 comments:

  1. I'm so glad this theft was detected and managed in such an efficient manner. Your son is beautiful.

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    1. Thank you. We are also grateful for how this situation was managed!

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  2. I had to read this a few times through my tears. I'm so sad this had to happen to you. I've just watched an episode on Chicago Fire with a woman trying to steal a baby. It was hard to get through the show because it's one of my worst fears realized. This is a travesty and I'm so glad that the perpetrator was found out. I'm praying that your heart will heal in time. Thank you for sharing a part of your heart. 💗

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    1. Thank you. As in all things, time will heal our hearts.

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  3. I live in the same town as this woman and I'm so sorry this happened to you. I have no clue who she is, but I saw where she posted on the local buy, sell, trade site on fb. UNBELIEVABLE someone could do this...

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  4. It wasn't theft. The police aren't going to do anything. It is a pretty weak thing to happen, but this is what happens when you put your stuff out there on the Internet. Vultures circle and pick what they want and claim it for your own. This will happen to you again, and again you will have no recourse.

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    1. I'm simply an emotional victim in this case, not like the poor people who donated to her under false pretenses. I am aware I have basically no recourse, otherwise I would not have posted this, at least not until those legalities were settled. Sadly things like this happen daily and the police aren't able to do anything about it, often because others don't come forward to say they were scammed. The police could investigate further to see if she received more than $500 which would be Theft by Swindling charges and a misdemeanor. Unless someone comes forward, no charges can be pressed. My hunch is that they won't, it is what it is unfortunately. Her family and friends are left putting their lives back together and I pray she gets the help she needs in the process.

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    2. I am sorry that this happened to you, either way.

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    3. You seriously are not a smart individual! How can you blame an innocent family for this woman's lies and deceit! I also live in this same town and know this person and she should be so ashamed! Anyone to concoct such an in depth lie and carry it forward for 9 months is a sick and twisted individual and serious needs to be admitted to a psychiatric facility. Anyone capable of and carrying through with this lie is capable and has probably thought of kidnapping a baby to cover up her story. And charges should be filed and hopefully someone will contact the ones that gave money and encourage them to goto police because when you put a story out there like this and it's false even if you didn't "ask" for donations...you knowingly did it because you were sure that people would give and she played the heart strings of innocent caring people for malicious reasons!

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  5. Samantha, I am so very sorry that this did in fact happen to you. The husband and I have been good friends for many, many years and to hear how this all came crashing in around him broke my heart. I couldn't believe someone could do this to such a sweet, sweet man. He is beside himself and I know that if he could have prevented it or if he could fix it for you he would. Now I just wonder about "Amy" and how she is going to cope with all these aftershocks. I will be there for my friend whenever he needs me and I will not judge, for that is God's doing. I will pray for you to be able to close your wounds as much as possible. I will pray that "Amy" gets the psychiatric help she needs so this never happens again and I pray God will give her husband, my friend, the guidance he so desperately needs right now.

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  6. I am so sorry that this has happened to you! What an awful experience. I have been blogging my grief for four years now, and always known that this was a possibility- but always wanting to leave my story out there to encourage others.


    One item I would like to comment on; you absolutely do have legal recourse. Your photos are copywrited the second you create them- with or without a watermark. You would need to hire a lawyer, and I don't know that you want to go that far, but it is an option.


    This is article about using photos without permission.


    http://www.roniloren.com/blog/2012/7/20/bloggers-beware-you-can-get-sued-for-using-pics-on-your-blog.html


    I hope that everything turns out well for everyone involved. This woman, her family- most of all, you. <3

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