Wednesday, December 4, 2013

10 month update

Our 10 month update comes a week and a half late. Why might you ask? Because life is ChAoS right now. We had an out of town wedding, photos to process from that, working random week nights, thanksgiving week, catch up weekend... It's been insane. Plus the boys have been  going through some sort of separation anxiety  or something. They are not satisfied unless I am holding them, one in each arm. That doesn't leave any arms for laundry, dishes, typing a blog, playing with Evelyn, or any other thing I really should be doing during the day. Heaven forbid I leave the room. Both boys break out in song... Duel melodies of crying and screaming. It's deafening. If I dare sit on the floor I am quickly attacked by two crawling terrors and am tormented with their hair pulling and face grabbing antics (obviously I have no open hands to deter the attack with so I mostly just have to take it). 

Cloth diapering is going great. We have our system down, we're used to it, and the process is so much easier now that we've found our groove. I have to rethink our overnight solution as they have started peeing through them now. Diaper laundry got past me and I ran out of diapers. I went out to the store and bought a $10 pack of 31 disposable diapers. First of all, it took me like 10 minutes just to figure out what size I should be buying and which ones. Those 31 diapers, lasted us just over 2 days. Yikes. If we used only disposable diapers, each month that would cost us upwards of $150! Double yikes! 

Last week I gave up breastfeeding. My supply had tanked dramatically and I was only able to feed them twice a day. Nothing I could do was bringing it back. We supplement with milk I've frozen and formula.  One $15 can of Similac lasts us just under 2 days. Ouch!  If we used only Formula, each month it would cost us about $400! Triple double ouch! But my weight bottomed out at 121, that's 19lbs below my normal and ideal weight. But a week after quitting I had already gained 7lbs back. I think my body is rejoicing.

The boys have now moved into mostly 12 month clothes. 9 month still fit, but some are a bit snug, especially if they are in cloth diapers. It's getting very cold here so I've had to remove most of their 9 month clothes anyways because they were all summer wear.

The last month has been pretty chaotic around here! There was Halloween and thanksgiving.  Both boys have popped through 2 bottom teeth. Logan popped his through at the same time, and a week later Sawyer popped both his through at the same time. Logan started crawling and Sawyer followed suit 2 hours later.  Logan says "mamama" every time he sees me and Sawyer says it just to say it. Logan learned how to wave (just holds his hand up, no actual physical waving included) and Sawyer learned how to clap. A few weeks later Logan figured out how to clap so they started clapping at each other. Logan started walking when you hold his hands and Sawyer started doing it about a week later. This week they both learned to pull up on things and last night they climbed the stairs. 

With Gabriel's birthday coming up, I'm starting to struggle a little bit. His birthday lands on a Sunday which is mighty convenient, we'll gather at the cemetery and light up his Christmas tree. I'm planning to try to make Angel Food Cupcakes and got chocolate for the occasion to celebrate. The part I'm struggling with as his birthday draws near, guilt.  I felt it last year but not as intensely as I am this year.  I think part of it has to do with the added emotions of sweet baby Abigail surviving the very syndrome that took Gabriel from me. But mostly, the boys are here this year. I feel guilty that we "moved on" so quickly, 6 short months after he was pulled from our arms, we were expecting again.  We weren't replacing him, we weren't trying to forget him and all that happened to us. Does he know that? Does he get it? He knows we still love him, right? I can't give him kisses and tell him to his face that I love him, but he has to know... right? He knows these boys aren't here to take his place or to make us forget, I hope.



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