Being thankful amidst darkness.

As we quickly approach Gabriel's first birthday, I find it difficult to be very grateful for things.  Emotions are running on high in our house and flucuate daily.

Taking a step out of the darkness and into the light I find so many things I have to be grateful for:

~ The precious months we spent with Gabriel safetly tucked inside, and the 35 minutes we spent with him snuggling in our arms.  All the things he taught us about unconditional love. All the blessings he's provided us like the coming together of family and friends, a wonderful amount of love and support, and an incredible amount of thoughts and prayers.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to have him a part of our lives despite the longing and sadness that comes along with it all.

~ I'm eternally grateful for Derrick, for everything he does for me. For being my rock when I feel weak.  He has been so supportive and helpful throughout this pregnancy, back massages, taking over housework when I just can't anymore, taking Evelyn when I've had enough, putting up with my hormonal mood swings, for listening when I just need an ear...

~ I'm thankful for our beautiful Evelyn who never ceases to amaze me.  She always knows how to melt mommy's heart and make mommy smile - even on a bad day. She's incredibly beautiful and smart.

~ I'm thankful for the two beautiful little boys still safetly baking inside. I have been blessed with an opportunity many never get to experience - twins.  I feel like its a tough road to take on many levels, but a remarkable one for sure!

~ There's so much more I'm grateful for it would take all day to list them all...  The support group I've joined, my family, my job, the January 2012 moms, my friends who continue to be there for me, my siblings, my blog followers, my doctors, my doula,  everyone who has in some way or another helped us with our wedding and preparing for the beautiful twins who will soon enter this world. For everyone who supported us through our grieving process... Like I said, the list goes on and on.

So yes, although there is a darkness looming in our lives right now as we approach Gabriel's birthday, its nice to look back and remember everything we've been blessed with in the last year and everything we are continuing to be blessed with.

On Monday I have another regular appointment where I'm hoping to talk to my OB about what she's thinking my labor/delivery is going to be like (Planned c-section, natural, induction etc).  After that we'll have another growth scan hoping that baby A has caught up some - or at least not fallen any further behind.  The babies move and kick like crazy right now, its sometimes really uncomfortable when they really get moving.  I'm hoping some of that movement is baby B trying to flip over! Come on baby, head down! Head down!