Just an update.

Wanted to come and give an update on how we're doing and what we've been up to.

Not being able to see your feet is dangerous.  Last wednesday, we hit 20 weeks - officially half way there. To celebrate I spent the night in the ER getting stitches because I might be the biggest clutz ever. I tripped on a peice of frame glass in our hallway and cut my toes pretty bad.  It was painful, especially the next day when I felt like my foot/toes my fall off. I ended up with 4 stitches in my toe and some pretty bad bruising. To say the least chasing a toddler and babysitting my neighbors 2 month old has been interesting this last week.

On Friday we had our check up.  Babies hearts were beating away, I learned that I'd gained 8 lbs in 4 weeks.  Guess I got my appetite back :/  Its ok though because before that I hadn't gained much so this is a total weight gain of 14lbs. Not too bad for 20 weeks with twins.

We went in and had our anatomy scan this last Tuesday.  Both babies are still boys and are doing wonderful.  Baby A (the smaller baby that gave us the heartattacks early on) is still measuring smaller at 12 oz, has a good strong heartbeat of 139.  She confirmed both kidneys and showed us how the arteries flowing to that area as well as the big dark spots where the kidneys are located, then she started having trouble with getting good pictures of the heart because baby was moving like crazy!  This little guy is head down still and is vertical on my left side - way down low.  Baby B (the larger baby) was also moving around like crazy and is positioned diagonal across my belly butt first.  They said there is still plenty of time for that baby to flip over. He is about 13oz and his heartbeat was 144 BPM.  So we have two very active little boys on the way - yikes!  I'm blaming it on the candy corn I ate (per Evelyn's persistant requests) earlier in the day... oops.  

 



They said there is a 25% chance they are identical and we won't know until they are born.  If they come out looking alike than I will have them do the DNA test to determine if they are or not.  But, Gabriel looked an aweful lot like Evelyn so I'm guessing these two may look similar too.  Brought up an interesting conversation between Derrick and I - what if one or both of these two come out looking just like Gabriel.  Its something thats been on my mind, no doubt I worry about how I will react if that is the case.  I can't prepare for something like that or how to handle it, but I imagine its going to be difficult none the less.

The babies have been moving around like crazy but everytime Derrick puts his hand to feel it - they stop.  Poor guy wants to feel it so bad, he loves these guys so much, but they are shy... or stubborn.

We have been working diligently on the nursery trying to get it all done before we hit 28 weeks.  I made this my goal because I don't want to be huge and trying to finish it all.  We still have a bit to go before its done, but I'll show you a picture of our progress so far.

 

Evelyn seems to be starting to understand that there are babies in mommy's tummy.  I think having baby Sophia around has made her comprehend that a baby is not a doll haha.  She now points at my belly and says "baby" and gets very upset when the cat ends up in one of the cribs! "Move Boris, BABY!"  (all animals are Boris - which is one of our dogs names).

 

We are now 21 weeks 1 day.  Here's a picture of our progress (taken at 21 weeks):

 

 

 



Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month...

I just hit me, right now -  it's October.  October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.   

Last year, I was still pregnant and anticipating the loss of our baby.  I can't even begin to explain the feelings I had knowing that every year for the rest of my life there would be this month, that day commemorating our impending loss.  Last year we recieved so much support during October, people from everywhere knew what was happening in our lives and wrapped their love around us.

I will be going out tonight to find a special candle, a special candle that I will light every night this month, but also a second candle that I will allow to burn all day on October 15th. 

I can't believe its been nearly 10 months since we last saw our little man, our son.  Now, 10 months later we have 2 more coming, 2 more little sons on the way.

This month, make a phone call, send a text, let those families with angel babies know that you are there and you are continuing to think of them and their babies.  Let them know that you remember...

On October 15th, no matter what time zone you are in, light a candle at 7pm to remember those babies who we've lost.  Those babies that will never be forgotten...

We love you Gabriel, and miss you every single day.

Baby Names

For the longest time Derrick and I were only able to agree we liked 1 name.  Seeing as how there are 2 we definitely needed more than that.  The hard part is that Derrick is very stubborn about naming boys (as my sister has learned).  My only criteria is that I won't use names of people I know in real life and I wanted them to flow well with Evelyn and Gabriel.

Finally last night I cornered him and told him we needed to add names to our potential name list.  And we did, now we have many many options for our little boys and I'm thrilled that we finally have a decent list.

My plan is to go to the hospital with a few name pairs and pick when we are there. We won't be coming out publicly with our choices till then though :) Gotta leave some sort of surprise!

So now we'll narrow down the options to just a few and ponder on those until the babies get here.

That Mom.

I hate being that mom. The one who doesn't give the typical number answer when asked how many kids we have... Its hard sometimes to determine how in depth should I go when asked that question.

Do I just say I have one 2 year old and the twins and walk away? Do I say I have a 2 year old, a son who didn't make it and the twins? I hate to bring people down when they are so excited finding out I'm pregnant, it sends a negative spin on what should be a very positive experience. At the same time I feel so terrible if I don't acknowledge Gabriel's existence when I get asked.

Of course now the conversation goes something like this: 
"Are you pregnant?!?! - Congratulations!"
"Oh thank you, we're actually expecting two!"
"Oh how exciting! How many kids do you have then?"
*Insert ackward silence.*


Now, we've reached 19 weeks along.  This marks 1/2 way since we won't be going past 38 weeks.  It seems crazy to me that we are halfway through our twin pregnancy.  Its amazing the reactions we get when we tell people we are now expecting twins. Outside of our blog we haven't really spread the word around to much so people are sort of finding out one by one.

Looking forward to our appointment next Friday, then we have our anatomy scan on the 9th of October.  There shouldn't be any surprises at that ultrasound because we've already done a complete ultrasound and looked at everything.  I'm looking forward to just being able to enjoy an ultrasound for a change instead of feeling panicky about what they might find wrong this time.

However, having a fetal dopplar and measuring tape ease my fears a lot.  I measured today and I'm measuring 24 weeks and I'll only be 19 weeks tomorrow!  That means I've gained 4 weeks in only 2 weeks time! YIKES - no wonder I already feel so big!

Overall I feel really good though! Energy is ok, appetite is still in check, and everything seems to be going well!

Gender Reveal!

I hopped into bed last night and sobbed myself to sleep, but this wasn't the regular tears I was normal to, these were tears of pure joy, relief, happiness and love.  For 5 minutes I layed there and enjoyed a moment of no fear, no worry, no heartache.  I've never cried those type of tears before, not since Gabriel was born.

The reveal part of the ultrasound!
We told the tech our plan, we wanted to know if they are the same or not.  She immediately said "Yes, the are the same".  I looked over at Derrick who immediately started twitching, I started laughing "Figures."  I watched Derrick for a minute, this wasn't going to work - he is going to have to know.  So I gave in, I told the tech he was going to have a panic attack if we don't find out, let me take a look and see if I can figure it out first.

She put the wand on Baby A, I thought I could see, but I wasn't sold. After a couple minutes of looking I asked her to put it on the other baby - obvious, right away without a doubt I knew exactly what it was, I looked at Derrick:

"That's a boy! 100% A Boy!!! Hunny they're boys!!!" 

Derrick walked into a corner and cried. It was the most heartwarming thing I've ever seen, the tech said "Yes, you have two healthy perfect little boys."  And we all cried together.

I'm having a hard time being truly excited that they are boys.  Don't get me wrong, that was *almost* what I was hoping for (I was secretly hoping for one of each haha, but boys was my second wish).  I think I'm in such a state of relief that they are healthy, I feel an overwhelming sense of joy that they are perfect, I can't celebrate the fact that they are in fact our sons... Not yet. But I will, after I've celebrated that they are so healthy I'll celebrate that we will have sons to raise.

The U/S....

We walked into the office, I was holding it together ok.  This was the same clinic that confirmed our diagnosis for Gabriel, I was nervous. We checked in 10 minutes early and waited... and waited... and waited. 25 minutes after our scheduled time they finally called us in!  Our anxiety was on high by then and my heart about jumped out of my throat.

Then we walked into the same room where we were with Gabriel, with the same ultrasound tech! Now I'm really freaking, but trying not to let it show too much.  We caught up, shared pictures of Gabriel (the tech remembered us) and shared stories. 

The two babies looked so big in there compared to last time!  Beautiful to see really.  She immediately said that our Baby B is now Baby A because thats the presenting baby.  She said the sacs look great and Baby A (previously known as baby B) is still 4 days behind.  Throughout the entire ultrasound she was talking us through it: "heart looks great" "Brain looks perfect" "Cords look wonderful" etc.  I was so grateful she was talking us through this instead of keeping us in the dark like so many other people have in the past.

She started with (the new) baby A.   First checking for kidneys.  She saw the bladder was full right away - a great sign!  Then she saw the bloodflow to the kidneys - 2 beautiful functioning kidneys! Yay!  (We cried).  She spent lots of time looking over baby from head to toe, baby was perfect. 4 chamber heart already, perfectly shaped head and plenty of fluid.

Then she moved onto baby B (previously known as baby A). She checked the heart and brain, then realized she forgot to check kidneys first!  She confirmed bladder was full, then spotted the same bloodflow - 2 more healthy functioning kidneys! Amazing - I broke down and cried and cried. Such a relief to see, kidneys never looked so beautiful to me. 

She confirmed that she got both babies measurments, then asked about our plans to find out or not. We told her what we wanted to know.  After she answered our question Derrick started to twitch and I knew at that moment, he had to know which the babies are.  Sadly, I am on lockdown until tomorrow as far as the gender(s) go because he has a few people he wants to tell first.  So tomorrow, I will post a "gender reveal" photo.  Bet you can't wait huh? 

Till then, I just wanted to make sure everyone knew how it went today and that our little babies look absolutely perfect at this point.  I wanted to say a huge thank you for all the love, support, thoughts and prayers we have recieved. Its so overwhelming to know how many people care about us and our babies.   A certain someone upstairs definitely heard every single prayer said. I can't put into words my gratitude for everything everyone has done for us. 

Change of heart, changed our mind

Yup.  Changed our minds and came to a compromise.

From the moment we saw our positive test result, we knew we wanted to wait to find out the baby's sex.  Then, today, Derrick surprises me by saying he sort of thinks we should find out what the babies are!  Oh boy. As if I wasn't having a hard enough time holding out myself! He said he thinks people will bond with the babies more that way, that we'll be able to really connect with them.

So I consulted a group of friends online and Derrick and I agreed on one of their suggestions.  We'll simply ask the tech if they are both the same sex. 

~If they are NOT the same, then we'll know we have one of each, but we still won't know which baby is which. 

 

~If they are the same, then we'll be waiting to find out which sex they are.

I'm probably going to have the tech write down down what each baby is so that we can find out on Christmas morning. We don't know for sure if we'll do the Christmas morning reveal, but we definitely want to keep it as an option.

Also, if there is something wrong with either baby, we will absolutely be finding out exactly what they are.

We have our big kidney ultrasound on Monday. I don't know if they'll be willing to tell us since we'll be just shy of 17 weeks.  So in the meantime I'm trying to fill my time with fun things and positive things to keep my mind excited about the ultrasound.  So I've added a poll! Make sure to vote!  -->